T w e n t y S i d e d
No post this week. Mostly because I’ve spent the week managing around the work in the bathroom I had previously mentioned; coupled with multiple trips to buy the parts I agreed to do after the builder did the drywall, texturing, and flooring. I’ve had multiple occurrences of mental shutdown when several interactions requiring brainpower all hit at the same time. This requires me to have to withdraw and reset. But since this has happened repeatedly and while things were happening that required my input, my stress levels have just continually increased. I’m at the point where I start to snap at people or otherwise react badly when they try to interact with me, and obviously I don’t want that to happen. So I am focusing on de-stressing and making notes for my next therapy appointment. This is a known issue I’ve been dealing with for a few years that is likely the result of a significant trauma event. A decade and more ago, I would typically get aggressive and loud when stress piled up, but technically I was able to deal with it. Part of my therapy is because I don’t WANT to get loud and aggressive when stressed, but coupled with other inputs…I now just shut down in these situations.
I did finish Galactic Seasons 6 in Star Wars: The Old Republic. I’ve also started outlining the next chapter in the Rix’larril’an of the Ascendancy story. I should have a nice, full post next week.
Free Radical
The product of fandom run unchecked, this novel began as a short story and grew into something of a cult hit.
The Strange Evolution of OpenGL
Sometimes software is engineered. Sometimes it grows organically. And sometimes it's thrown together seemingly at random over two decades.
Games and the Fear of Death
Why killing you might be the least scary thing a game can do.
Why Batman Can't Kill
His problem isn't that he's dumb, the problem is that he bends the world he inhabits.
My Music
Do you like electronic music? Do you like free stuff? Are you okay with amateur music from someone who's learning? Yes? Because that's what this is.
Anxiety-driven behaviors are the worst, because you know the stress is making you irrational, but it doesn’t really help you react better.
Yep. Being aware of what is going on HELPS, but it’s not a solution by itself. And I have discovered that shutting down bad behaviors sometimes means disabling your only tools to handle some things, and then you have to learn an entirely new process to regain functionality. I am so much happier in general since starting therapy a few years ago, but it has certainly been an ongoing process of, really, rebuilding my psyche.
My condolences. I hope that you are able to recover quickly.
You have my sincere empathy. We just moved to a new home last week, and my executive, decision-making abilities got SO OVERUSED that I became incapable of ANY clear thought. I just burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen. I completely shut down.
Rest and recover. Your degree of self-awareness is enviable.
Congrats on putting you first. Caring enough about the community to say there won’t be a regular post is a nice touch.